How People Change: Demonstrations from My Life

While reading Chapters 4 of the book The Making of a Leader, first the word “plateau” jumped out at me again and again.

“Plateauing in a leader’s development is indicated by a declining frequency of initiative and response to ministry challenges and ministry assignments.”[1] And “Are you still regularly recognizing ministry challenges and ministry assignments? Are you still willing to accept new challenges and assignments, and are you recruiting others for them? If not, you may have reached a plateau. In order to move on, you need to ask God for fresh enthusiasm for ministry.”[2] For the last year, I have been initiating less opportunities for ministry. In this I have needed challenged, and thankfully, during discussions with my mentor and Pastor, we have charted a course that allows for fresh initiative and response. This includes spearheading the Men’s Ministry at New Journey, helping with the yet-to-be launched Foundations Class, and possibly partnering with Lighthouse Mission to provide clothing to the poor on the Southside of Wabash (for more information on this, read on to Divine Contacts).

“Leaders who plateau early reveal a common pattern. They learn new skills until they can operate comfortable with them, but then they fail to seek new skills deliberately and habitually. They coast on prior experience.”[3] For the last 2+ years, I have functioned on the worship team and have led some small groups in my church. I continue to do these things but am aware of the need to expand. While reading, I eventually realized that while I know many of my spiritual gifts, I don’t think I know what they are in relation to ministry. I suspect teaching, hearing from God (and thus offering words of wisdom) are a couple, but these gifts are largely undeveloped. The only way to see them grow is to try some new things.

            Next, I reflected on three catalysts/elements (for change) that have been a significant in my life the past couple years. First, and essential to returning to church in January 2017 was some negative processing I experienced in December. “Negative preparation is frequently seen, particularly in boundary times between development phases. God often prepares someone to accept the next steps of guidance by first allowing him to go through negative experiences during his present development phase.”[4] After getting sober from Alcoholism and sustaining that sobriety for about a year and a half, I was faced with a need that arose during other (failed) attempts at sobriety: returning to be part of the Body of Christ and engaging with the source of faith and hope and healing. I was resistant to return to church, largely because I knew (or thought I knew) what Jesus would ask of me. Struggling still with sexual sin, I felt that would be the first thing that would need to be addressed and quickly. Honestly, I was unwilling to face that and to stop some things. I thought I also had some unnamed anger at God and wasn’t sure what to do with that either. I didn’t want to suddenly return to church and have to be accountable in areas of my life where I wasn’t willing; I hated dishonesty and lack of integrity and wouldn’t permit myself to engage again if I wasn’t willing to truly try to live the life of a disciple of Jesus. I also didn’t want to be that angry guy in church.

            In December 2016, I underwent surgery and required me to be off work for nearly 8 weeks. During my time in Wabash since April 2011, I had met very few people and know only some AA folks. I was incredibly deficient of real relationships. During the resulting time off, extreme loneliness caused my world to cave in. At one point, I felt like I was dying. In the midst of this extremely lonely time (which God allowed), the Holy Spirit clearly spoke to me of my need to return to be part of the Body of Christ, for relationship with Jesus and His people. He even showed me where to go. In my first Sunday at church again, the Pastor preached on our God-given need for relationship and how He designed that to be met through relationship with Him and His people. I knew I was in the right place. That was the beginning of a grateful return. Yes, the sexual sin was challenged and changed instantly. All resistance in my heart had melted and I was met with the sincere desire of the Lord for my companionship. In return I gladly began to repent, entered into accountability, and started trying to live as His Disciple. Thus I began embracing the fellowship of the Lord and His people. Both are vital to my walk with Jesus today, are central to my calling and essential, I believe, to the ways I will minister.

            Over the next year and a half, then, I opened my home to my best friend Hampton and my younger brother Dan. Each was going through different struggles and I allowed them to live with me to recover and rebuild their lives. From this came many relational insights.

            My best friend struggles with extreme anxiety. At times, this means I have to view him as a disabled person; it is the only way I am able to make sense of some things and have sanity. We have worked through many differences and conflicts over the past 2 years. I have had to come to terms with what living in ministry and sharing my house as a place of ministry means for someone like him. It has meant making the home a safe place for both of us. For me, that means not living with alcohol or a practicing alcoholic. As a result, my brother has come and gone twice because of his struggles. It means that my home is a place where I can have peace, be able to relax, and have a place all my own. Thus, I have discovered that it is best if I share my home only with one other person and that person needs to be someone who can respect me in my home.

When Hampton and I talk through conflict, I make sure we are both sitting down, able to speak at eye level (body language is important). It has also meant pulling away when things get heated and clarifying what that means. On more than one occasion, when his anxiety was prompting an out of control vocal reaction, I would tell him to “stop” or that I needed to stop talking about something. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as meaning I didn’t want to hear what he had to say and that he was unimportant. It wasn’t until I threatened kicking him out that we were able to dig beneath the meanings of the language to uncover my true need (peace and to be able to work through conflict peacefully) and the deep hurt and perceived lack of value that was prompting his reaction. Now, when he is having a reaction, either I don’t engage, or we try to communicate to deescalate whatever is going on.

It has also meant coming to his aid financially many times, calling him into accountability and responsibility (financially), and asking him to be a contributing member of my household by doing chores. This last item I have had to have a very measured response since it is a hug trigger for his anxiety. So, we have agreed on certain things. The rest, I do what I can do, just like if I was living in my home alone (which I did for many years). With education and increasing ministry responsibilities, this has caused me to feel more burdened and I have to watch myself when I begin to complain about ways “he could help but isn’t.” I have to remember that he is disabled and, even in his best days, operates from a position of scarcity in relation to my position of abundance (in regards to the resources I am able to access according to my healing in Christ).

One of his best gifts, though, is that he is a HUGE encourager and that is a great benefit of having him life with me!

A third element is a combination of conflict processing and ministry task. Soon after my return to church, in May 2017 I was asked by my Pastor to serve on the leadership board of Common Ground, a community prayer ministry that had relocated to our church building. From the start, I had a different ministry outlook than theirs. This coupled with my prophetic nature to “tell people” what we had to do amidst active prophetic gifts of receiving words from the Lord and visions, led to a lot of early conflict.  “Conflict can arise from different approaches to ministry as well as from personality clashes.”[5] I email bombed the leadership board with all kinds of things. Eventually this led to a discussion with my Pastor and the main leader in which I was called to account for the manner with which I shared. We agreed on guidelines for sharing. That was a real maturing step and helped me to learn submission and respect for a group and not to “lord” over authority to anyone. I repented of thinking I knew best and of extreme arrogance. I see now that I was quite a handful – passionate, fiery, and I truly believed I heard from God.

Eventually we left my church to settle into another building. Accountability to my Pastor lifted and I was a free agent on the board (so to speak). A ministry vision I was promoting while still at my church is one we eventually tried: hosting events that were a combination of worship, prayer, and scripture called Worship-based prayer. This led to an effort to teach this and practice it once our teachers (a group from Indianapolis, IHOPE) left. Unfortunately, Wabash did not embrace this, and our efforts soon became similar to things that have been done before in the ministry. The ministry was founded on a vision of individual prayer watches and we returned to efforts trying to promote that while providing a space set apart for people to come and experience and worship and pray to God.

This past week, I stepped down from the leadership board. God has not spoken to me about this ministry in about a year-and-a-half. “A major symptom of a plateaued leaders is one to whom word items are infrequent.”[6] Like the plateau quotes I shared above, my enthusiasm to engage has dropped significantly. Being an Enthusiast (one of the Sacred Pathways), my gifts of prayer and worship seem to be best activated in service to the Body of Christ when I gather with others. Quite simply, I have recognized that my passion and heartbeat for prayer and worship does not align any longer with Common Ground and the vision of ministry that is trying to be promoted and championed. A relationship has been established and I remain available to assist with worship and prayer when they desire to have gatherings.

Another issue of importance was sphere of influence. “Understanding the sphere of influence and influence challenge is a step forward in discernment. A leader is to respond to God’s challenge to accept varying spheres of influence in order to find God’s proper sphere for him.”[7] A ministry such as Common Ground requires a person to be able to influence those from different denominations, churches, and organizations. In my time with Common Ground, I always felt like I was operating beyond my God-given sphere of influence. I felt my ability to influence was severely limited due to the fact that I was a lay minister (as was everyone on the Board) and was a person who had recently returned to the church. For now, I sense God has limited my sphere of influence to be within my church and the relationships and partnerships in the community that can be developed there. My church is very active in this regard, championing to not “reinvent the wheel” when another organization can do something or is doing something that we can support.

           Now onto guidance. I have had one major recent “guidance concept” in the form of a divine contact. Recently I met with a lady to purchase some metal wire racks to store books for my ever expanding library. This lady has tried to start a ministry in Wabash for the last couple years: From Humble Beginnings, which would provide clothing to the poor in Wabash, specifically to those who have fallen through the cracks in the court system, to the drug addicted, and those who are in the process of foster care. She was now selling many things and closing up shop due to lack of support from the city and various churches. My heart broke and I knew this was the key to entering into and meeting needs for a niche of people who were largely being overlooked and turned away from Christians and non-Christians alike in Wabash. Shortly after meeting with her, I sent a fiery text to my Pastor about this need. After talking about her (he had met with her before and there were reasons why this was not working out), we discussed a potential solution and viable ministry option. The same day, a phone call was placed to Lighthouse Mission and this has started the ball rolling on a potential partnership with them. New Journey would be a satellite location for them to hand out clothes to the poor. As of this time, we are waiting for their leadership board to meet and then, hopefully, we will begin to strategize and plan the start of this new ministry together.

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[1] Dr. J. Robert Clinton, The Making of a Leader, second edition (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1998, 2012), 74

[2] Dr. J. Robert Clinton, The Making of a Leader, 75

[3] Dr. J. Robert Clinton, The Making of a Leader, 76

[4] Dr. J. Robert Clinton, The Making of a Leader, second edition (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1998, 2012), 117.

[5] Dr. J. Robert Clinton, The Making of a Leader, second edition (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1998, 2012), 69

[6] Dr. J. Robert Clinton, The Making of a Leader, 125

[7] Dr. J. Robert Clinton, The Making of a Leader, second edition (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1998, 2012), 102